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SopMBA
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bullet Posted: 10/17/05 at 11:09am

I have always been annoyed by the endless drama of theatre romances, so I vowed never to date anyone in the theatre. Never say never!  I recently started dating our stage manager. We were both concerned about staying professional at the theatre since he's SM and I'm in the cast and on the board of directors.

When we're in rehearsals, we both focus on our jobs and don't interact unless necessary. I figure we've done well keeping our personal lives out of the theatre when we have both been asked if we are arguing. Inevitably, people assume that since we are dating and aren't all over each other we must be fighting. I guess drama can be found even where there is none!

 

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Shatcher
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bullet Posted: 10/17/05 at 12:13pm
There will always be backstage romances. I met my husband backstage and we now have 2 kids. If you have to say anything to the folks in question do it quickly and in privite. Also make clear you are not against the relationship, just the PDA. Be prearared for a lots of "It's none of your F*@#ing busisness" type talk.Because what happens outside the theatre is none of your busisness.  I would hope adults would know better...but we are all theatre people and the drama seems to enter every part of our lives
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PatrickArmagh
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bullet Posted: 10/17/05 at 4:21pm

Been here before. 

SHOWMANCE...I've seen it a hundred times, and always laughed at it.  But still been involved in a couple of tryst.  The important thing to remember is discretion at all cost, because "THEY" all gossip. "THEY" do that.  My favorite is when "THEY" make an issue out of a nothing situation and create more drama then there is on stage.

My personal feelings are to avoid romances with co-stars.  A lead dating a chorus member is much less a risk than two co-stars, and I have had several relationships in this vein.  I actually prefer it since I generally can stand my leading ladies, or at least their personalities.  It is the same reason why I request not being in a "STAR" dressing room.  We are here to work as an ensemble and learn from each other, not be on a higher level than our peers.

As for the romance, just keep it out of the theater.  What goes on when you leave is your business, and no one else.  The lasting relationships that began in the theater are generally the ones that no one knew about until after the show has closed.  That is just my two-cents...take it or leave it.

By the way...my current friend and I have been together for 5 months, and while "THEY" suspect, most have only suspicion since we keep our relationship private between the two of us.

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A-M-K
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bullet Posted: 10/15/06 at 5:32pm
Interesting thread!  There's something about the magic of theater that gets the romance in our blood flowing (or at least the pheromones).  I'm married to the man I fell in love with during a show, and he's now directed me in three shows, and we're co-directing a show currently.  If you have a common love for theater, who better to understand than another actor?

That said, a local man performing in The King and I, who was married, had a not-so-discreet affair with his leading lady in a community theater production loaded with kids and community members. His wife found out when the show ended and the leading lady went to Europe, and her husband had a 1200 dollar cell phone bill in one month.  Duh!  It was so cliche...
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bullet Posted: 10/17/06 at 10:13am

Another theatre marriage here!  My husband (Juror#3) and I met while doing "Two by Two" - he was Ham (no, that's the character's name) and I was playing Goldie.  The two characters ended up marrying each other....and so did we!

We have played opposite each other several times since, both as romantic couples ("Sisters Rosensweig" - Sara and Merv - and "Moon Over Buffalo" - George and Charlotte Hay) and brother and sister ("Harvey" - Veta Louise and Elwood - and "Lost in Yonkers" - Bella and Eddie) and have thoroughly enjoyed doing so. 

HOWEVER.....he and I have directed each other several times and have had disagreements, but those spats stay in the theatre when we leave.  I guess you could call them "artistic differences".  BUT we never carry them home with us.

 

"I've worked long and hard to earn the right to be called Diva!"
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Juror #3
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bullet Posted: 10/17/06 at 4:05pm

Speaking as Red Diva's husband, I got involved in community theatre in the hope of meeting someone.  Needless to say, I lucked out.  And she's right, we have acted several times without problems and have directed each other with some (cough, cough) artistic disagreements, though nothing that disrupted the show we were working on.

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bullet Posted: 10/17/06 at 4:11pm
Thank you, Sweetie (Juror #3).  I lucked out, too.
"I've worked long and hard to earn the right to be called Diva!"
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eveharrington
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bullet Posted: 10/18/06 at 4:04am
On the opposite end I was recently put in position of explaining to/convincing my husband I would not be swept away by "showmance". He's not the least bit interested in acting beyond it's appeal to me, and thinks that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are ironclad evidence that these things happen all the time and are somehow caused by acting. Needless to say my first kissing role did not go down smooth.

Incidently we worked it out, I think the fact that the actor playing opposite me was a pompous little punk helped!
"If nothing else, there's applause... like waves of love pouring over the footlights."
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suzecue1
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bullet Posted: 10/18/06 at 9:14am

It's inevitable - showmances. For several weeks to several months you ARE "family", spending nearly every evening together. Having fun, working together, and it creates a bond. It's fine if you are single and can manage the new relationship without it causing distractions or any back stage drama. Unfortunately, I've seen showmances that were "the straw that broke the camel's back" of several weak marriages. It would seem that people can't tell the different between acting and real life. I had a very good friend look me in the eye and tell me that her on stage husband and family were everything that her off stage husband and family could never be. She was comparing her life to a written script! Talk about getting into character.  30 years of marriage down the tubes. Worse thing is there is nothing anyone can do about it. It happens too often.

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MartyW
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bullet Posted: 10/19/06 at 2:35pm
Several years back, I played Mortimer in Arsenic and Old Lace... We had a successful run and I had hung up the character in the closet with all my other favorite roles...  About a week later I got a call from a theater in a town about 25 miles away... They were about to open in a week and a half and had decided they needed to fire thier Mortimer.  Apparently, up to that point, he knew about half his lines (and its not a small role) and NONE of his blocking... Needless to say, with a major role like that, it pulled the whole show down pacing wise for him to be "Lined" continually and the other actors had no one to build their own flow/pacing and characterizations against.  As I had just finished the show, they asked me if I would come over to help. I did.  My previous director felt that a face paced comedy should be, well, fast paced... And in all my "learned" responces after six weeks of rehearsal and eight performances, movments and blocking, things were fast. As we worked through the scene thier "Elaine" kept holding my arm and kind of guiding me around the stage.. Apparently the only way the previous Mortimer new where to be.. Things were moving along at a fairly decent pace until all of a sudden, serveral actors missed thier entrances.. The common response was, It usually takes another ten minutes for us to get to that point with the other actor. So with a common understanding that with thier reversed set layout and only a little over a week, that I would use as much of my previous "independent" blocking and counter as best I could on thiers. The culmination of an extreemly fun evening was when the time came to kiss Elaine. Apparently my predisesor had some trouble with that task as well.. But, I walked over at the appropriate point and kissed her. She threw up her hands and yelled "wait a minute, wait a minute... its just going to fast!"  I turned to the directors (husband wife team) and said "Dosen't he kiss her here?"  When the laughter died down, he turned to his wife and said, "I think we have a show"... After a successful run two great things happend in this situation. The first was at thier annual banquet I recieved the S. O. B. award (saved our butts)... Second, Elaine and I have now been married for six years.......
Marty W

"Till next we trod the boards.."
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