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Pre-show announcements

Printed From: Community Theater Green Room
Category: Producing Theater
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URL: http://www.communitytheater.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=2874
Printed Date: 4/20/24 at 7:52am
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Topic: Pre-show announcements
Posted By: darkheart
Subject: Pre-show announcements
Date Posted: 12/15/07 at 12:59am
I'm involved in a new community theatre.  We will be staging our second production in early March.  I was wondering if anyone here had any pointers or tips on writing pre-show announcements.
 
Thanks



Replies:
Posted By: Topper
Date Posted: 12/15/07 at 1:54am
I always prefer pre-show announcements that are straight to the point:

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR DAMN CELL-PHONES!

Thank you and enjoy the show."

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"None of us really grow up. All we ever do is learn how to behave in public." -- Keith Johnstone


Posted By: jayzehr
Date Posted: 12/15/07 at 3:41am
Turn off the cell phones
Please put your name on the email list in the lobby
We're an all volunteer group and if you want to help on future shows, fill out the form in the program
Enjoy the show


Posted By: Linda S
Date Posted: 12/15/07 at 8:26am
My pet peeve is pre-show announcements that are taped. If you have something to say stand in front of the audience and say it. I went to a christmas show last week and for their preshow announcements, changed the lyrics of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentelmen" and broadcast it over the speaker system. No one understood a thing they said and consequently 2 cell phones went off during the show. It was a cute idea gone wrong. My favorite professional theater starts each show by the producing director thanking the sponsors, pointing out the exits and then reaching into his pocket pulling out his cell phone saying, "I'll show mine if you show me yours. Now turn it off." Everyone laughs and turns off their cell phone. Short, sweet and on with the show.
Linda


Posted By: biggertigger
Date Posted: 12/15/07 at 9:09pm

Any pre-show announcement that you do should include the following information:

-Welcome the audience
-Safety
-Legal stuff
 
Ours goes...
   Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to the Phildaelphia Theater of Performing Arts.  Tonight's performance of ...... was made possible by the generosity of ........  For your safety, please note the nearest exit, keeping in mind the nearest door may be behind you. 
   The use of recording devices are strictly prohibited.  There is no smoking on the campus premises.  And please, no food or drink in the theater.
   Please sit back and relax as you enjoy our show."
 
Seems like a lot to put in an announcement.  Though some people do not care for recorded announcements, if you use a live one, make sure they are fluid in their speech.  We play ours while the theater lights are dimming.  We have found that having an actor or the produce do the announcement on stage confuses the audience.  (Though during Boeing Boeing we had the 3 flight attendants do the announcements out front with the recording like they are doing pre-flight checks.)


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The two greatest days in a theater persons life, the day you start a new show and the day the damn thing closes.


Posted By: pdavis69
Date Posted: 12/17/07 at 8:59am
As a general rule we forego the opening announcement.  If there is something special they need to know we post it on the doors as the audience enters.  The cell phone, flash photography etc is all in the program.  They came to see the show not the announcements.

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Patrick L. Davis
Fort Findlay Playhouse


Posted By: Topper
Date Posted: 12/17/07 at 10:13am
I recently heard a great preshow announcement which included the phrase:

"If you've come to the show this evening with something that rings, beeps twitters, or plays snippets of popular music, please take a moment to turn them off now. Or at least switch them to 'vibrate' so you may enjoy them in the privacy of your own pants."




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"None of us really grow up. All we ever do is learn how to behave in public." -- Keith Johnstone


Posted By: trutter
Date Posted: 12/18/07 at 8:28am
Our announcements vary from nothing to an excruciating announcement speech I had to make during High School Musical.  Usually we just point out the exits, cell phones off, and that's it.  But if we have a special advertiser for a show, or something special we throw that in there. 

Last year we mentioned our entire season, which was just way too long at the beginning of the year.


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------
Troy A. Rutter
Author, "Kids in the Biz: A Hollywood Handbook for Parents"
http://www.kidsinthebiz.com/ - http://www.kidsinthebiz.com/
A Heinemann Drama Publication


Posted By: Nanette
Date Posted: 12/18/07 at 9:39am
Ours is kept brief ... welcome, thank you for coming, turn off your cell phones, no flash photography, join us for refreshments afterwards, enjoy the show.

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In a world of margarine, be butter!


Posted By: eveharrington
Date Posted: 12/19/07 at 1:52am
I went to a production of "A Christmas Carol" this past weekend where the "gentlemen" in front of me received no less than three text messages complete with ringtone. This theater has pre-show announcments including a plea to turn off cell phones. My point? Pre show announcements are useless, people who will heed them would have heeded their own common sense to begin with and if they just need a reminder then posted signs or a snippet in the program will do the trick. People that don't heed them never will no matter how they are worded. Some people are just jerks.

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"If nothing else, there's applause... like waves of love pouring over the footlights."


Posted By: TonyDi
Date Posted: 12/19/07 at 8:15am
A rather brilliant older actor who I've known for about 30 years now, was recently doing a show with the company I'd worked with for about 18 years.  ALWAYS their pre-show announcements include the cell phone plea as well as it being printed in the program.  Well what happens?  Someone's cell phone goes off right in the middle of a rather dramatic speech by him.  He gets totally ticked off, turns to the audience, takes one DRAMATIC step forward and tells the ignoramus to turn off the damn cell phone.  AUDIENCE ERUPTS into applause, patron is embarassed (actually does NOT return after intermission), actor turns back, begins monologue again, finishes, gets applause AGAIN after monologue, show is great.  A BIT unconventional I know. But this actor is GREAT - and at 75 years old has very little tolerance for that kind of stupidity. And he's still well known for that little sidetrek from the convention and is lauded for it still.  HAVE to agree. I mean it's time people got the point whatever it takes to drive it in their feeble heads.
 
TonyDi


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"Almost famous"


Posted By: Topper
Date Posted: 12/19/07 at 9:41am
Sometimes it takes a public reprimand to drive home the point.

A bit off-topic, but Tony Di's story reminded me of one of my favorite "Performer-to-audience" reprimands.

When the late, great comedian/pianist Victor Borge would be performing in concert, he would sometimes be interrupted by late-comers trying to find their seats after the show had started.

With his ever-present smile, he would stop what he was doing, stand with his hands politely folded at the edge of the stage and watch as the patrons finally sat down.

Once they were seated, he would ask -- ever so nicely, in his Danish accent -- "So, vhere are you good people from?"

Of course they would reply with some local city or suburb. Borge would smile, nod and then say "Really? I'm from Copenhagen and I got here on time!"

The audience would erupt with applause and laughter as Borge returned to his piano.

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"None of us really grow up. All we ever do is learn how to behave in public." -- Keith Johnstone


Posted By: Nanette
Date Posted: 12/19/07 at 10:59am

I teched for Borge years ago and remember an announcement about photography being ignored by a member of the press.  Mr. Borge stopped playing, got up and removed a glossy from his breast pocket, handed it to the photographer, and returned to his piano.  Moments later, THE SAME PHOTOGRAPHER took another photo.  Again, Mr. Borge stopped playing, got up and removed a glossy from his breast pocket, handed it to the photographer, and returned to his playing.  YET AGAIN, THE SAME PHOTOGRAPHER took YET ANOTHER photo, and again, Mr. Borge repeated his previous performance. 

It took three (yes three) hints from Mr. Borge before the newspaperman put away his camera and left the building. 


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In a world of margarine, be butter!


Posted By: Linda S
Date Posted: 12/19/07 at 7:55pm
You know what else drives me crazy. Text messaging during a performance. It's like little green search lights shining out of the dark. I've started asking the producers to add "Please no text messaging during the performance." At the last one act festival we had to ask the kids to stop. There was so much text messaging the lights from the cell phones could have landed a plane! I mean honestly what is so important?
Linda


Posted By: Aimee
Date Posted: 12/19/07 at 9:58pm
I recently SM'd a show for a church production and they did use taped preshow announcements that just looped while the audience filtered in. Though, just to be sure they were paying attention they added one that said "In case of a water landing your seat cushion can be used as a floatation device" did I mention they were metal folding chairs? We did get quite a few laughs.
 At the theater I work at  we do live announcements from back stage as the house lights are dimming. Typical welcome, keep the isles clear, no food or drink, and no back stage access, cell phone reminder, and no recording or flash photography and  finally enjoy the show.  We've done it for so long it seems natural to start the show with it.
 I tend to agree  though, that no matter what you put into your announcements there are just certain people who do not get it. As if the rules do not apply to them.
This past weekend we had tell the SAME person 4 times (even after the looped announcemts)he needed to move or he was going to get run over (by a camel) or a dancer. Only when he saw the hordes of dancers and this huge camel coming at him did he FIANLLY move out of the way! UGH!


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Aimee


Posted By: bbpchick
Date Posted: 12/19/07 at 11:15pm
We tried a new idea for our last play to get rid of preshow announcements.  We actually created a mock radio program to play from when the time the house opened to the time curtain went up.  It was really neat, not only did we get our general announcements (including cell phone) made, but we also made jingles for the advertisers in the program (which was a great selling point I might add when we were actually getting the ads), and had an interview or two with the director and a couple people from the cast.  It was a lot of fun and a cool change from the regular, tired, preshow music we usually play.  We even gave our selves a fake radio name.  The audiences really enjoyed it, we sold more ads then ever and we got all the information out that we needed to.

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Kendra
http://www.murphysblackbartplayer.com - www.murphysblackbartplayers.com
You are NEVER too old to dress up!


Posted By: Topper
Date Posted: 12/20/07 at 12:19am
Originally posted by Aimee

This past weekend we had tell the SAME person 4 times (even after the looped announcemts)he needed to move or he was going to get run over (by a camel) or a dancer. Only when he saw the hordes of dancers and this huge camel coming at him did he FIANLLY move out of the way! UGH!


I love this story! I think I'm going to add this to all my pre-show announcements whether it applies or not:

"Ladies and gentlemen, please keep the aisles clear or you may be run over by a camel."

I believe the bewildered reactions from the audience would alone be worth the price of admission.

SCENE IN PUB AFTER:
"So, how'd you like the show?"
"It was going great until the camel ran over me."
"Excuse me?"
"Yeah, they mentioned something in the pre-show announcements, but I wasn't really paying attention, I guess."
"You were run over by an actual camel?"
"I dunno, it happened so fast. It might have been a dromedary."



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"None of us really grow up. All we ever do is learn how to behave in public." -- Keith Johnstone


Posted By: JoeMc
Date Posted: 12/20/07 at 1:00am
We don't bother with pre-announcements, it's a waste of time & it has never bothered me as such.
Unlike good ol' Dicky, [Harry Poter & Pie In The Sky fame.]. Who stopped the show & breated the person with the phone & would not resume the play, untill she had left the audiance;-
 
http://www.ibdb.com/person.asp?id=412507 - http://www.ibdb.com/person.asp?id=412507
 There are jamming devices, however it is illegal here, to use them. {Telecommunications Act]
Frankly why worry about it, the anouncement is more annoying.Wink


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[western] Gondawandaland
"Hear the light & see the sound!
TOI TOI CHOOKAS
{may you always play to a full house!}


Posted By: MartyW
Date Posted: 12/20/07 at 10:34am

I really hate doing them and usually try to reserve it for shows where we are going to be using the aisles...  The last show I directed at my home theater was Scrooge. We had our bar owner or "publican" come out in costume and in character with a cute story that included all the necessary information. Many of the audience "sins" seemed to "annoy the actors" which was worked liberally enough throughout the piece that the audience started chanting in with at the end of each of the listed "don’ts" cute, and different enough to be enjoyable.



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Marty W

"Till next we trod the boards.."


Posted By: TimW
Date Posted: 12/23/07 at 10:21am

If announcements are made, either recorded or live, make sure to give a sincere "Thank You For Coming". It is, after all, these patrons that keep a group going.

We do announcements with everything that has been mentioned more or less. The people that wish to pay attention will. The others, well you know.


Posted By: magicguy
Date Posted: 12/25/07 at 10:21pm

We have the director personally address the audience before the show.  We have a small theatre (about 120 seats) and it's a nice cozy feel to have the director welcome the audience and make some important announcements such as patronize the businessess that paid for advertising on our program, intermisision, directions to the restrooms, turn off cellphones. 

When I did the preshow announcement (before I mantioned about the cell phones), I had my cell phone in my pocket and had a tech crew call my cell phone.  I pretended that I was hearing someone in the front row with their cell phone.  I said something like "Whose cell phone is that?  Is it yours?  That reminds me we need to turn off all cell phones"  The I would pull out my cell phone and say "Oh, I guess it's mine".  It's gets a great laugh and gets to the point.
 


Posted By: John Luzaich
Date Posted: 3/10/08 at 2:13pm
I hate when people call it a "curtain speech".  It's not a speech, it's making announcements.  I agree with just about everything else that was said on this post.  We used to do it from the stage.  Then for several years, we did it as a voice over, over the mic.  We thought this was "more professional".  After all, you don't see someone doing curtain announcements on stage in most professional theatres like Broadway.  Then, I was in attendance at Dracula - The Musical on Broadway.  It was a show that transfered from the La Jolla Playhouse in California.  The director, Des McAnuff was sitting two seats in front of us.  Just before the show started, he got up, walked down the aisle towards the orchestra pit, turned around and made some curtain announcements!  With no mic, just projected real well.  I'd never seen that before.  So, now when someone says they don't do it in professional theatre, I say "oh yeah, well I was at a show on Broadway....." . 
 
So now, in our community theatre, we went back to sometimes doing curtain announcements from the stage because the feedback we received is that most people like the personal touch.  The University in our town presents many professional national tours of shows, and they always do curtain announcements from the stage.  They usually bring the sponsors up there with them.  Sponsors says a few words (30 seconds) and I think most of them like that visability.


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John
cfct@cfu.net
http://www.osterregent.org
http://www.facebook.com/osterregent


Posted By: MartyW
Date Posted: 3/17/08 at 1:46pm
Originally posted by John Luzaich

I hate when people call it a "curtain speech".  It's not a speech, it's making announcements.  .
 
If only it were so in all cases.... I have sat through ones you would have thought were acceptance speeches from the oscars... many people, (far too many..) feel they have to do more than give a quick welcome and or cell phone announcements... 


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Marty W

"Till next we trod the boards.."


Posted By: JoeMc
Date Posted: 3/17/08 at 10:09pm
I agree & if this happens when Iam a punter, I leave the theatre & have a smoke - returning when the show starts!
I don't agree with any director making anouncements on the apron prior to show.
This I believe is the SM's domain to just to cue a prerecorded vioce over or whatever.
For me the director should evaporate or meld into the FOH.
I have just done part of a season here, for another theatre group. Because thier lighting techies could not do it.
The director hung about & got in every bodies way.
Every performance he wanted something changed, to the piont, all I ended up doing was 4 cues for the whole show.
This came down from something like 12 cues, in the end I was virtualy asleep during the show & got the audio op to give me an nudge when I was needed.
So I declared myself redundant , taught the audio op the light cues & stayed home.
The hiccup was I think or hope, they were not used to any form of lighting other than - On, Off & On, Off.
The lighting changes didn't improve or enhance the show, in fact they could have saved me a lot of work & the cost of power. If they had of just left the fluro working lights on. 


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[western] Gondawandaland
"Hear the light & see the sound!
TOI TOI CHOOKAS
{may you always play to a full house!}


Posted By: landon2006
Date Posted: 3/20/08 at 5:43pm
Before each of our performances, as the Executive Director, I will be getting up in front of the people an introduce myself, our organization, thank the audience and show sponsors and wish everyone a great show!

I don't believe that any crew members or cast member should make a curtain speech (unless of course its part of the show) because the audience does not really care about how much time it took to make it and who every Joe was that was involved. The purpose of of my speech is purly to thank everyone for showing up and to thank our sponsors by word of mouth instead of just ads. I also think it ads to the professionalism if someone live makes this announcements. It sets the mood for the show about to start.

Note: The Theater we use always plays a pre-recorded message just before the show about cell phones, exits, etc.

Ultimately though, I don't have to worry about Directors wanting to make announcements because I'm going to be Directing all 3 of our yearly Musical Productions.


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Posted By: sparf
Date Posted: 3/22/08 at 3:10am
Our local Equity house, Barter Theatre, begins every mainstage show with a speech by the managing Artistic Director, Richard Rose, or the Associate Artist Director Katy Brown, thanking the sponsors, a little game to see who thinks they came the farthest and then giving the one who did all kinds of gifts (from the sponsors), a note about exits, cell phones, recording devices, etc, and a quote from the theatre founder, Robert Porterfield: "If you like us, talk about us! If you don't like us...just keep your mouth shut."

It all depends on the venue. I would not expect such a thing on Broadway. But Off Broadway, or Off-Off-Broadway, or LORT A-D levels, why not? I find that people tend to relate more to a human on the stage than a dully recorded voiceover which they will tune out anyway because the uneducated plebs think they've heard it all before.  (I am being facetious. Most theatregoing plebs are at least partially educated! :) )


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That is not dead which can eternal lie / and with strange aeons even Death may die.


Posted By: spikesgirl
Date Posted: 4/08/08 at 6:30pm
I work for a small theater, but am also a subscribing member of a larger profession group that brings in tours (like 'Mama Mia' next week).  It seats about 4000 people and they do pre recorded announcements before the show - usually turn off your phone, take your candy out of its wrappers, know where your nearest exit is, etc. 
 
In our theater, we usually have our producing director do the announcements, but I really wish they'd give him a mic for it because you cannot hear him.  He addresses the same issues and usually does a plug for the next season as well as our raffle.
 
Charlie


Posted By: MartyW
Date Posted: 4/09/08 at 12:41pm
Now there have been a few times where they have made it fun and I've actually enjoyed it... One most fun was for http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0geu9988PxHPxcA1JxXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTEzNjBzbXNnBHNlYwNzcgRwb3MDMwRjb2xvA2FjMgR2dGlkA0RGUjVfMTIw/SIG=12idbf7ph/EXP=1207845372/**http%3a//theater.about.com/od/broadwaymusicals/p/LightPiazza.htm - The Light in the Piazza   As the play is about a visit to Italy, the recorded curtain speech is in Italian.  The lady rambles on and on, and then in English says, Cell Phones.... Rambles on a little bit more in Italian then says Beepers... Then after another stint of Italian, you hear Caromels... etc etc covering all the basics.. it made the audience listen to see if they could figure out where it was going...

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Marty W

"Till next we trod the boards.."


Posted By: stagechild
Date Posted: 5/21/08 at 8:49pm
Announcements are boring and probably useless in some cases but some people just need the reminder to remember to turn off the cell phone and they will. But others are stuborn and won't.
 
If you make the announcements fun and catchy and not the plain recording of 'please turn off your cell phones and enjoy the show.' Have someone come out, really welcome the audience, warm them up, make them laught, them go through the necessities. For a children's play we had one of the supporting characters come out and pump up the crowd in character and go through it all.


Posted By: biggertigger
Date Posted: 5/21/08 at 10:27pm
Each theater is different and each show is different.  Personally, I like a pre-recorded announcement welcoming your guest to the theater and group, reminders of cell phone, photography, and other usage, and safety.  During the show "Beoing, Beoing"  we had the three stewardess actresses come to the stage to do the "pre-flight" safety announcement during the pre-recorded announcement.  Two finger point for exits, show cell phone and how to properly turn off and store it, etc.  The audience loved it. 
But, alas, during our last show after this particular director felt the need to give the announcement before every show, we still had one or two people leave their phones on and ring during the performance.  Of course everyone acted like it wasn't their cell phone ringing. 

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The two greatest days in a theater persons life, the day you start a new show and the day the damn thing closes.


Posted By: JoyExcellence
Date Posted: 5/21/08 at 11:01pm

My biggest pet peeve is a live announcement. I think it's rather pompus for a director to get on stage and do the welcome message... it's like tooting their own horn. I also think it puts a kink in the 'flow' of the show... breaks the magic, so-to-speak.... to actually "see" the person talking.   That's what programs are for.... lobby displays.... gallery pictures.... etc. 

I like a pre-recorded message, or a live feed from the booth, asking patrons to turn off cell phones, etc... and most especially, announcing the next performance and thanking them for attending. 
 
 


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Posted By: mary051756
Date Posted: 5/22/08 at 7:13am
I have sometimes written a brief annoucnement and used a character from the show to deliver it to the audience.  The announcement might expalin that the show is taking place in 1900 England, and that since cell phones weren't invented th3en, we would appreciate if they would turn them off, etc.

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“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” EMERSON


Posted By: JoyExcellence
Date Posted: 5/22/08 at 9:19am

I think explaining the show is fine... but my prior post refers to the whole, "Hi... I'm the director... I run this company.... I.... Me.... I...." that type of thing!

 

Setting the scene is an entirely different ball of yarnSmile



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Posted By: MartyW
Date Posted: 5/22/08 at 11:52am
In our last show our director (Hi Patrick) did a little "bit" during the curtain speech... I'm sure you have seen it in one place or another... he's on stage and his cell rings and he takes the call... and from this he gets to remind the audinece.... Well the last night he didn't do it and we had no less than FOUR calls during the show... (one lady was the cause of three of them.. she didn't know how to turn it off!!!)

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Marty W

"Till next we trod the boards.."


Posted By: spikesgirl
Date Posted: 5/24/08 at 6:27pm
We always do a live announcement with the house manager, this is sometimes great and at other, not so much, as some don't project as well. 
 
Marty - we had your same audience member in our show recently.  She was finally escorted out of the house and spend the entire first act on the phone, chatting...why come to the theater then? 
 
Charlie


Posted By: sconjott
Date Posted: 5/25/08 at 3:20pm
I've been in theaters that use NO Announcements, Director Announcements, Director Announcements that practically told the audience the plot complete with cliff notes (because the audience was obviously too stupid to be coming to the theater in the first place and had to have everything explained to them), Stuffed Shirt Pre-recorded Anouncements, and finally In Character Pre-recorded Announcements. I have to say the In Character Pre-recorded announcements not only serve their main purpose very well, they also set the mood and really get the audience ready for the show.
 
We recently did Greater Tuna and wrote a pre-show script for Arles and Thurston. The audience picked up far quicker than the first time I saw Tuna performed... hmmm then again we WERE a LOT funnier. Wink
 
The In Character Announcements seem to engage the audience instead of boring them like  some of the more "professional" announcements.  And if you're doing a musical, just remember to play the announcement BEFORE the oveture. You won't break the flow, you won't disrupt the "magic", you'll enhance it.
 


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There are NO small roles, only small actors...


Posted By: jaytee060
Date Posted: 5/25/08 at 4:21pm
   Here is an interesting note regarding preshow announcements.  We just closed a run of Gore Vidals THE BEST MAN.
   Every night of production the director made a clever announcement about turning off cell phones and pagers....No problems......EXCEPT the closing night when he dicided not to make the announcement.
     Four (4) cell phones went off during the first act.  One ladies went off twice.  What does this tell us?  1.)  Announcements are useful.  2.) Audience members are there to be entertained, Not Think.
 
 
                                                   


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"REMEMBER ME IN LIGHT"


Posted By: MartyW
Date Posted: 5/26/08 at 8:19am
_popupControl(); LOL... Hey Jim.. Fraid I beat you to that story up a few... I still hate em, but that night proved the need...

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Marty W

"Till next we trod the boards.."


Posted By: lynda gee
Date Posted: 6/26/08 at 9:45am
As most of our shows take place before cell phone invention, we include this in our announcements by saying something like "please turn off all cell phones and beepers since this is ____ and cell phones have not been invented yet."  It always gets a chuckle. 

Another cell phone story:  I heard that during the revival of "A Funny Thing...Forum" when Nathan Lane would hear a cell phone, he would run out to the audience and grab the phone saying, " They can't talk to you now;  they're at a Broadway musical!"  I'm sure that was the nudge it took for that person to turn off the phone! 


Posted By: 75director
Date Posted: 6/26/08 at 12:11pm
Personally I hate the pre-show/curtain speech (a rose by any other name...) but find it to be a necessary evil these days.  We vary our use of it, mostly it's pre-recorded but occasionally I will do it live in front of the audience.  This is usually reserved for hawking subscriptions for next season, or giving them instructions about completing a survey and whatnot.
 
We always try and make the announcements fun, pre-recorded or otherwise.  For example when we did "Seussical" the announcement was written in "Seuss-style" verse.  And in "Over the Tavern" the announcement was a priest leading a prayer thanking the sponsors and praying the members of the congregation would turn off their phones.  We can usually tell how responsive an audience will be to the show by how much they chuckle during the pre-show announcement.
 
Several posters discussed using signs in the lobby and on the doors to get these messages across, my experience is that 99% of people don't read signs, unfortunately.  One example is the sign on our front door that states very clearly, something to the effect of, "if this door is locked and it's business hours, go to the side door".  I don't know how many people, including the UPS man who tell me, "I tried the door but it was locked" and when I ask if they read the sign on the door telling them what to do if the door was locked they look at me blankly and say, "well, no".  There was even a lady once who looked me straight in the eye and said, "Oh, well I don't read signs."  Hope she always guesses correctly at the restroom doors.



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