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I have always held a policy that if you aren't having fun you aren't doing it right. Almost everyone involved in community theater has a full time job, family etc. I have made it completely okay if someone volunteers for something then finds that they can't do it. I certainly don't want to work with someone who doesn't want to be there, or doesn't have the time to be there. That isn't any fun for anyone. In your case I would have told the past director/assistant director that you realized they had too much going on outside the show and that you really needed someone who could be there to assist you. No hard feelings. Maybe you can work together again sometime. (Then you decide if you want to work with them again if they ask you.)Then I would have found someone who was willing to do the job. It sounds like you did fine with a great cast and script, so enjoy the rest of the process.

Good luck with your opening.

Linda 

Being  promoted to the #1 position (Director) can be difficult.  And it sounds as though this person is having a problem with being #2 for this show.  My suggestions

#1 - if you really want/need this person's input then go him/her and say "Help, I am very excited about doing this show and I feel competent  but I need to know you are by my side and will support me".  "I cannot think of any reason why you would not want to so have I done something wrong, is the show and/or my directing skills beyond hope?"  This should at least make the person think twice about his/her lack of participation.

OR

#2 -  I would just let it be, do the show myself and put my heart and soul into creating the best production for all involved. When the show is up  tell the person that you are so grateful for all his/her "mentoring" throughout the years and that you would not have been able to create such a wonderful show had you not helped him/her in the past. 

Never look back, it sounds as if you have earned the right to be #1 - now focus on going forward.

Best of luck!

Susan

Pragmatically speaking: if you're close to opening and you've been getting by, I'd say just let the whole thing slide, go ahead and leave his/her name in the program, just grin and bear it as you say (especially if there's theater politics involved.) It's not worth the fight and it's not going to change anything now anyway. Your best bet is to just forget about it and make sure not to harbor any bad energy that might rub off on your cast and crew. But be very cautious about ever working with this person again.

Edit:  On reflection, this post is way too long, mainly pointless, and kind of stupid.  Just read the stuff in blue below and ignore the rest, ok?

My directing mentor told me that father told him, never be an assistant anything.

He told me this on a production where he was assistant director.

Some years later, he made me his assistant director.  I still don't know if that said more about me, him, the theatre, or what.

My reason for telling these seemingly pointless facts is this:

Nobody knows what an assistant director does. 

When I AD'd for Cat On A Hot Tin Roof, I directed the Gooper / Mae scenes, from the ground up.  When I AD'd for a David Ives one-act, I came in and doctored scenes where the director needed help.  When I AD'd for Here We Come Gathering, I handled all the blocking, because the director couldn't.   On other shows, I've seen ADs basically direct the show, act as SM, fetch coffee, and/or sit around and look pretty.

The point - there's a point?  Yes, yes, I'm COMING to it!  The POINT is, the director and AD MUST agree BEFORE auditions on exactly what the AD is supposed to do. 

Now, Director99 made the very reasonable assumption that the AD would do just what Director99 had done when the roles were reversed.  And it blew up in Director99's face.  All you can do now is do without the AD.

I've had situations, in and out of theatre, where my job was very strictly defined.  Push Button A when Light X comes on.  I can do that.  I'm not all that happy with it, but I can do it.

I've had other situations where I've been given lots of rope.  Go ahead, POB, do what you want, in areas A, B, and C, just don't touch E or F.  Oh, boy!  Like that a lot.  I can do that too.

But what I can't deal with, is when nobody tells me where the line is.  I'm your AD.  What should I do?  "Just help me all you can." I'm all enthusiastic, so I draw up a rehearsal schedule.  Whoops, SM is doing that.  Okay, I'll give the cast some warmups.  "Nobody talks to the actors but me!"  Well, sorry.  What CAN I do again?  "Just be my assistant.  And you're doing a pretty lousy job so far, because you haven't DONE anything."  Fine.  I'll do something.  I quit.

I'm not saying this is what happened to Director99.  What I think happened there is, somebody's ego couldn't deal with the role reversal.  What I AM saying is, it's as easy to get in trouble by "going over and above what ADs usually do" as it is by doing nothing.

The lines need to be drawn, far, far before auditions.

edited to maintain anonymity

Had a really nice post here, but the board ate it.

NO, it was NOT your fault; the other director violated a standard that you had set up by past practice between you.

I was more addressing the situation where the director and AD HAVEN'T worked together before.  Let's say Debbie Director is doing a new musical version of "Scream Blacula Scream", with a cast of 72, plus bats, and has two choices for AD: POB and Director99.  She tells us the AD's job will be "the usual stuff."  Two weeks after auditions, it becomes apparent that the AD is expected to fill the blood capsules, play second trombone in the big "Bite Me" number, and comb the fleas out of the bats.

Director99 may say, "Great, I'll help any way I can", because Director99 is a true theatre trouper and a great human being, and will go take trombone lessons and buy a bat comb.  POB, having no musical talent, a morbid fear of fake blood, and an allergy to fleas, will strangle Debbie and then quit.

If Debbie had been explicit about what she wanted, she could have hired Director99 and avoided a miserable death.

In your situation, you and the AD KNEW what to expect from each other, because you'd been there before.  That's great, except that your AD apparently decided to go ego-trip on you.   Next time, or in someone else's situation, the AD may have no idea what the director wants.

That's what I was talking about.  Sorry if I wasn't clear.  I'm often not.

Best of luck with the show; with your obvious talents, I'm sure everything will be great.

edited

He points at you . . .

he says, "I'll be right here . . ."

then he gets in a spaceship and flies 200 light-years away . . .

yup, that's ET all right!

Now I'm inspired to go to work on that Blacula musical script.