Oh my goodness, these stories are priceless!  

I auditioned for the lead church lady in The Best Christmas Pagnant Ever. What was required was one song. I sang that song over and over for weeks, and on the twenty-five minute drive to the auidtion. I stand before the director and begin my song Kick in the Head ala Dean Martin. My lip ala ELVIS! I was horrified. The director stopped me half way thru and then asked for my joke. Joke?! Without missing a beat--"So, this mushroom goes into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." The mushroom replies, "Why not? I'm a fungi" I got the part and had the time of my life.

Story #1
I was having auditions for Annie and a women came in with the costume and make-up on to play Miss Hannagan. Only her make-up was more on par with Betty Davis in Whatever happened to Baby Jane. She scared me with her reading, really chewed up the scenery, so I didn't cast her.
#2 I just finished Peter Pan and at auditions I had boys and girls from 6 to 30 there to try for the part of Peter. My fault, if I had known I would have published an age range and sex. (Boy! Peter Pan is a boy!)
Anyway, I had a "girl" that I couldn't figure out if she was a she or he the whole time she was singing and reading. Yeah, she didn't get the part.

Kathy Rigby, too, unless I'm mistaken.  In fact, the most memorable live stage productions of Peter Pan have been by women.

I had decided to take some time off of acting in community theatre (by time off, I meant one show), and went to an audition for a revue to give my friend moral support. On the first day of auditions, I chose not to go for the show, but being absolutely addicted to theatre as though it were a drug, I couldn't keep myself from auditioning the following day.

For the audition, we had to select our own song, something that other auditioners had done weeks in advance. The night before, I dug through some recordings of myself singing different songs, chose the one I thought I sounded the best on, and rehearsed it for a few hours that night, then again before auditions the following day.

Forgetting my insane fear of singing publicly without insane amounts of preparation, I launched into my song. According to those who witnessed it, I nailed it (the uptempo bit from "Every Story Is a Love Story" from the musical Aida), but what ended up happening was me rushing off the stage as soon as I was finished, making my way to a chair where I pretty much folded in on myself, then shaking violently for a quarter of an hour.

We were then asked to read, as there was still some dialogue in the script, and I obliged. One of the sections was for narration and a 'monologue' of the female lead. I watched as every other auditionee was called up to read, and then the director, who I knew well, never called my name and started to move on to the next part of the audition.

Upset, and still traumatized from the music audition, I loudly exclaimed, "Stupid b*tch didn't call my name!" She apologized to me, and I proceeded to read the bit, then shaken, quite horribly.

For reasons unknown to me, I somehow still managed to get cast as one of the featured soloists in the revue. I will never understand how I pulled that one off, and still cringe when I think of that audition experience.